when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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