True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
