fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
