He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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