forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
