who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So. Much. Porn.
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