As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
