I hope mine doesn't look like that
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
