you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
