That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
