i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
