I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
