i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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