I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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