google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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