I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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