Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
and you said cock pushups were impossible
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
