He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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