I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize