I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
How external is "for external use only"?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
