Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You pole danced in your parka.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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