Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
