Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
