How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize