I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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