did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
