He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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