I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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