Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize