Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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