A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize