her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
