Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
