Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize