She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
