It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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