Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
