i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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