did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
