We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
