Screwed.edu
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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