Moan for me like Helen Keller
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
