left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize