no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
