wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
