did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
