i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
