She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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