Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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