Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
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