There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
