I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
