New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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