listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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