your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
handjob tips. give me some.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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