If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize