who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
They are going to name an STD after you.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
