Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
