i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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