Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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