Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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