Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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