Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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