Where did you get a picture of my penis
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
