I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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