I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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