i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize