Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
