that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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