so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
