he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
we made out on top of his cat.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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