Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
