I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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