He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
