My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
