so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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