just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
She even gives head with a lisp.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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