he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize