So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
