The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
