Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize