He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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