i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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