Someone shit on the floor
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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