Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
