I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
