For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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