feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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