Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm too high and old for this...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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