So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize