At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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