my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
