he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
